so that wasnt chicken after all
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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