I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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