I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
