before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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