I murdered the dance floor call the cops
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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