I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
