U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
