Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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