Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize