At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
