I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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