Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
