Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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