i already hear my dad disowning me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
