I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
