Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
