what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
