...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
