it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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