3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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