I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
