She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
