When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
