The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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