she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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