Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
