Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
