Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
