I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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