im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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