He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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