We named our party play list daddy issues
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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