Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
