I cannot find my penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize