I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
