That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just had sex on a roof
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
