I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
