please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
