the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
