....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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