I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
