i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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