Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
