I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize