Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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