I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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