Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
