She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
