so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
