They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
