I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
