I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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