I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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