I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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