I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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