false alarm. still invincible.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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