i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
