I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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