Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize