definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
