So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
