hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
