im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
