I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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