i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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