Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom