Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.