dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...