I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.