end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.