I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.