Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
