Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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