I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
