Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
