she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
MIDGETS
????
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
