You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
