She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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