i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
