So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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