I think I am morally bankrupt
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
